The Winter of Our Discontent?

Is it me, or does it seem like winter has been going on for, like, 10 months now? Twice in the past week I've had to take a steaming hot shower then jump in place for a couple of minutes in order to warm up after dragging the trash out to the curb. Even with deerskin gloves my hands turned into icy meatpaws within seconds because IT'S TOO FLIPPIN' COLD OUT THERE!In fact, it's been so cold that there's an 87 percent chance that if I'm home, I'm wearing my fuzzy fleece Elmo pants. They were a gift from my mother that inspired a guttural "blahgg" when she presented them to me (not gracious of me at all, I realize this). I swore I'd never wear them. She said, "Fine, give them back then." After rubbing the pants between my thumb and forefinger, and remembering how icicles formed in my eyebrows that morning while I pushed a foot of snow from the hood of my car, I scurried to my room, shamefully, and hid them under my other, more sensible pajamas.(Those dang pants are sooooo warm. I wear them ALL THE TIME, Mom!)Last week, after snow blowing the driveway in subzero weather, I told a friend that my tongue felt like it might freeze  to the roof of my mouth. He laughed, but I was serious. The cold weather is bringing me down, dude! His response? Eat a tangerine. So, I made a trip to Rosemont Market and picked out six of the brightest, ripest tangerines and brought them home to treat my winter blues.It was a tiny miracle - the tangerines were like globes of sunshine that I could subsume, ray by ray. I shared them with my daughter. Her eyes sparked like fireflies with every section she stuffed in her ravenous, 8-toothed mouth. We ate three in one sitting. Then we spun around in the living room until we were both too dizzy to walk straight, counted our toes, and settled down on the couch to read a book about a multicolored elephant that is terribly written but wonderfully illustrated. When she went down for her afternoon nap, I painted my toenails French Pink (which is a color for winter toes, lemme tell you).Later that day, around the time my daughter woke from her nap, I could tell that the medicinal tangerines were starting to wear off. I needed more help!In a moment of spontaneous inspiration, I pulled a compilation of quotations from the bookshelf and flipped through it, a desperate woman in awful Elmo pajamas, fearful of the cold.Winter is nature's way of saying 'Up yours.'  Yes, Robert Byrne, yes it is! (It's always nice to get an amen, as my sister would say.)By the end of the day, I went to bed feeling pretty good. Good enough, anyway, that I felt I should share this treatment protocol with you. Winter doldrums? Follow these two simple steps.Step 1: Eat a wonderfully bright, ripe, citrus fruit and let it fill you with something reminiscent of summer.Step 2: Consider these quotes.

WINTER QUOTES TO WARM THE COCKLES OF YOUR FROZEN LITTLE HEART

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.  -Victor HugoWhen hungry, eat your rice; when tired, close your eyes. Fools may laugh at me, but wise men will know what I mean. -Lin-ChiI do an awful lot of thinking and dreaming about things in the past and the future - the timelessness of the rocks and the hills - all the people who have existed there. I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show.  -Andrew WyethShe stuck her head out and took a deep breath. If she could eat the cold air, she would. She thought cold snaps were like cookies, like gingersnaps. In her mind they were made with white chocolate chunks and had a cool, brittle vanilla frosting. - Sarah Addison AllenI gave three quiet cheers for Minnesota. In Seattle a dusty inch of anything white and chilly means the city lapses into full-on panic mode, as if each falling flake crashes to earth with its own individual baggie of used hypodermic needles. It’s ridiculous. -Cherie PriestWhat good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness.   - John SteinbeckMusic brings a warm glow to my vision, thawing mind and muscle from their endless wintering.  - Haruki MurakamiIn this part of the world, only Maine gives winter the welcome and the worship it should have.  -Tom AllenIn reality, Little Ones, there are two winters. One made for kids; the other for adults. The one made for adults is always too cold and always too long. The one made for kids is always perfect. A kid winter is an endless and wild snow carnival where all the rides are free. - Carew PapritzWinter is the time for stories, staying fast by the glow of fire. And outside, in the darkness, the stars are brighter than you can possibly imagine. - Isabel GreenbergIn the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer. - Albert Camus